It has always been you.

i have traveled this path away from all i have known for a long time...
a little lost...
a lot running...
i still see YOU in everything.. I just choose to ignore you most of the time.
I know you called me from the womb...
but that call was too much to carry...

but at the end of my day I hear you whisper in my ear.
and at the end of my day its still you.. i know.. just one more day.

I am (not) PERFECT...

I am a rambling, broken mess of a person sometimes. I have this horrible addiction. I am not sure how to break it. I am obsessed... addicted to... crave... love.... breathe.... pine after.... lust for... the compliments of my clients. It is such a horrible addiction. I do hair every day, all day, and I have a very faithful group of clients who love me... and I get told every day "You are so amazing, like usual!" "You are the first stylist who has ever cut my hair right!" "You are so fabulous at styling!" "I LOVE my color!" "You work miracles!" see... i get a high just rewriting these things, knowing they are true. Its ridiculous... but what actually happens is, I become a slave to these compliments. I become a slave to these clients. If they don't fuss over their hair, then I go through their entire service, detail by detail, until my brain nods off into blissfully peaceful sleep. I become horribly attached to my clients as well. I woke up this morning with a migraine. I used to get them all the time, until I did the Master Cleanse, and now I will get them, maybe ever 6 weeks, or so? Anyway.. I woke up with a migraine, and I checked my books to see who I would have to cancel on today. I felt horribly guilty for the first 2 hours after I called out from work. How ridiculous? I WAS SICK. End of story. But, for me... I just felt like I had let someone down, like this ridiculous characteristic (that showed up about... 7 years ago *long story* ) of perfectionism had overwhelmed me for 2 miserable, dark, and suffocating hours. I kept checking my books to see who had rescheduled. HELLO?!?! I was SICK! But... this need to please everyone in my life, it overwhelms me. Sometimes I think I need to see a shrink.
lol.
My dog does not suffice in my desire for guidance....

so what do i do now? how do i dig myself out of this hole i have dug for 7 years? how do i stop being a slave to my addiction ... how do i stop being a slave to pleasing my clients/mother/husband/friends/random strangers....?! I have no idea.... What I do think, however... is I have secretly medicated it for 7 years... with.. Brownies. Ice Cream. Popcorn. Coke(as in soda). McDonald's. M&M's. Sweet Tea. French Fries. Chips. and etc., etc.................... and.. I am 40 lbs heavier for it.
boo.

COMCAST=STUPID

i am pissed and frustrated and thus this entire blog will be full of no capitals.
i freaking hate comcast.
true story. i am pretty sure complete idiots started that stupid company and they can't manage to do a damn thing but piss people off.
here i am... 2 hours later.. still talking to someone about making my RIDICULOUS cable work that just worked 2 hours ago.. and then magically turned off.
if i could... i would most certainly slap the person i am speaking with at THIS. VERY. MOMENT.
ok, i lied... there were a few capitals.
why have they made me so angry? because they are idiots, and i am not.

Hello 1950's

First thought of note... Lily (a.k.a tiny toy poodle, black, looks like a mini-teddy bear because she hasn't been groomed in 6 weeks) wakes me up this morning. She doesn't just *wake* me up... she comes flying into the bedroom after husband has walked her, and she is lightening speed type flying, arms spread out onto my head... followed by much kissing. This = blissfully happy.
Second thought of note... Hubby and I took Lily for a walk in Piedmont park. Anyone with a bit of common sense KNOWS you take puppy poop picker uppers. Its common ettiquette. WELL. I had left mine, therefore when Lily did her business, I made husband stand with her and I ran to go grab the picker uppers (ok.. bags) and a woman sarcastically informed me in her too tight yoga pants "You are supposed to clean that uuuuppp...." as she and her walking partner pranced by. I stopped, turned around and said " I AM! THANK YOU! " Bitch. Of course later I thought of all of the witty and sarcastic things that I should have actually said to her and her prissy self... but I didn't. So does this mean I am the bigger person? Or... not fast enough... ehh.. who cares.
Third thought of note... We just celebrated 2 years. Cool. 2 years marriage... but almost 7 years together. For all of that time I have hated cooking. HATED. I would rather hit up Subway than cooking.. I am fiercely independent. I fought him for the first year of our marriage trying to make sure he knew that just because we got married didn't mean he "owned" me... (of which he would NEVER in a million years pretend to be attempting). I also fought to make sure that he knew I was NOT a Southern Belle (God bless you ladies, though)... I was born in the Midwest, and we work, and we work hard. The first trip we ever took was with a group of friends (he and I were NOT dating) and I was one of the few girls willing to climb up and down the rain filled "mountains" in North Georgia... playing capture the flag, in the dark. It was dirty and muddy.. and FABULOUS. I loved it. I loved to play hard. With that said... I have to admit, I never cooked because I didn't want him to get the impression that I was going to do the "wifely duties" of cooking, cleaning, ironing, having a gin and tonic ready for him when he walks in the door... lol. Hello 1950's.... With all of that.. and my 'fierce independence' I have to admit... i'm starting to like cooking.... *ahem*...
yes... its true. I actually googled "Is there a diference in recipes, between melted butter and softened butter?" .. all because I wanted to know the chemical reason for the difference... its becoming a little fascinating to me... grr..... well, there it is... not just me the hairstylist, but me the wife.....

I am worth more than $5.99

Here I go. This is my right to be a bitch, because this is my blog and I choose to. Recently someone mentioned that they go to Super Cuts, and get a $5.99 haircut, and she tips $6.00. Hmm. First off, she rants and raves about how great her stylist is. FABULOUS. Good for him! How awesome that his client rants and raves about him .... however. I attribute Super Cuts to... Food Depot. I guess...

Listen... in order to work in a place where you charge $5.99, you are not only a hair factory (slave labor, anyone?) but, you can technically work there without any experience. I'm talking BEAUTY SCHOOL GRADUATES.... I went to one of the BEST schools in Atlanta (and believe me Sallie Mae loves that interest they earn on my debt) and after being in the industry now for almost 5 years, I realize.. I didn't know anything about cutting hair straight out of beauty school. What I do every single day is create beauty. I work with fabric (hair) and use it to accentuate your best features. I am a chemist; a mathematician; a psychologist. I look at angles, and I use my brain to create something beautiful. You wear your hair every single day... and my BIGGEST pet peeve is to hear someone say "I used to pay $$$ and that was just TOO expensive. They can't be any better than anyone else." Actually.... Yes, they can. How dare anyone downsize something that I do? Something that I am talented at and was born to do. I have been to COUNTLESS hours of continuing education by some of the top stylists in the WORLD, and I still feel like a pea compared to the hair industry. Why are people willing to pay thousands for a purse, or some shoes, etc... but want to skimp on something that people see EVERY single day; Something that can have the biggest influence on how you feel about yourself, and how you represent yourself to others? FYI-- I hold more than one degree. I am tired of people looking at me like "You weren't good in school, so you do hair" AHEM. (time to float one's boat) I graduated from COLLEGE Valedictorian. SUMMA cum laude.

And I still chose to hair, because its freakin amazing. My clients give me more than I give them.

I'm sorry honey, but that is worth more than $5.99. I am worth more than $5.99